The New Yorker
Excerpts From A Posting For My Ideal Job
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- Published in the February 26, 2024 print edition
I’m Your Wedding D.J., And These Songs Are Non-Negotiable
A User’s Guide To Your New Thirtysomething Body
What The New Roaring Twenties Will Be Like – cowritten with Irving Ruan
Exactly How Famous I Want To Be
Advice My Parents Gave Me Versus Advice I Will Give My Kids – cowritten with Irving Ruan
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- Published in the March 1, 2021 print edition as “The Advice Gap”
- Included in a year-end roundup of The Most Popular Shouts of 2021
Why Your Dog Needs To Be Leashed During Walks (But Mine Does Not)
Sleep-Training Methods For Adults
How To Update Your Wardrobe For The Fall
Compliments I’ve Received In My Thirties, Translated
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- Included in A Sampling Of The Best Shouts Of 2020
Things That Were Supposed To Cure My Acne And What They Actually Did
Frequently Asked Questions: My Engagement
A Perfect, Preemptive Obituary For My Ex-Boyfriend
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- Included in Not-To-Be-Missed Shouts Of 2019
A Few Things To Know About My Sister, Your New Wife, On Your Wedding Day
McSweeney’s
This Fashion Trend Is Cool Again—Oh, Sorry, Now It’s Uncool Again
Phishing Emails No ’90s Kid Can Resist – cowritten with Megan Rogers
Jokes I’ve Told That My Male Colleagues Didn’t Like – cowritten with Ali Kelley, Kate Herzlin, and Ysabel Yates
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- Ranked as McSweeney’s 18th most-read piece of 2020
Slackjaw
My Mom’s Marketing Plan For My First Novel (If I Would Just Write It Already)
Advance Praise For My Food Sensitivity Journal
Instructions For Your Upcoming Stay At My Illegal Airbnb
Points in Case
DIY Face Masks That Heal Everything Except The Adolescent Damage From Claire Zabicky
Weekly Humorist
More Accurate Names For A Virtual Meeting – cowritten with Ali Kelley, Kate Herzlin, and Ysabel Yates
New Uses For Obsolete Bras – illustrated by Sarah Kempa
The Top Romantic Comedies Of 2098
Welcome To Greg & Jackie’s Wedding Site—F*ck Yeah!
Quiz: Tender Catcall Bestowed Upon Me Or Michael Bolton Song?
Reading 10,000 Books A Year Is Easy—Just Do What I Do!
The Belladonna
Things Women And Venus Have In Common – cowritten with Ali Kelley, Kate Herzlin, and Ysabel Yates
Modern Greeting Cards For (Almost) Every Occasion